think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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