Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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