well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
