I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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