If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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