if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
