i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Someone signed my nipple.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
