Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
