I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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