just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Bring me that man meat
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
