i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
