bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
