i think my tv is drunk
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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