It's Friday. Sex?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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