I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
