My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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