One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
