There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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