Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
