he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
