we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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