There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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