If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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