I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
