Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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