She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I see more hoeing in ur future
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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