how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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