My liver just broke up with me...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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