I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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