Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I party with great urgency now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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