Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
