You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
