The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
