once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
