I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
