Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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