The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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