cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
