i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Randomize
