Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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