i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
