the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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