At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
