I am puke
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can you repeat that, but with context?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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