I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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