Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
