Swine flu. Run for my life!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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