If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
