he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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