I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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