So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
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