Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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