There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
