:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
