If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
