conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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