Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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