i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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