1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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