Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
