Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
im on a boat
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