I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
