Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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