I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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