This is not my ceiling
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
