I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
