Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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