sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
