a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
