Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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