I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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