I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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