NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
