he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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