FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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