Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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