Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
