I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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