You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
