What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
