Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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